Some days are good, some days are bad. Shit happens!
It so happened that today was one such bad day. Something that I've been hoping and praying for did not happen. I'm currently not prepared to disclose the task that I have in mind. The reasons that resulted in the task not completing remain unknown, and there's nothing lacking in my efforts. I would try to mitigate risks but there are none that can be mitigated and the ones that can have been considered. It's a strange conundrum where there's no output despite an input having been applied.
What started as a sunny, bright, regular morning turned into one of despair and frustration. I personally believe feelings are called just that because they are felt and not explained or expressed. Otherwise, they would have been called expressions. My despair and frustration quickly created their own turnstile in my brain by adding anger and sadness into the mix. I was caught in that revolving door feeling angry one moment and sad the next.
Of course, I am in the process of trying to insulate myself from feeling bad on the bad days but it doesn't happen at times. Also, the intention is to control my reactions to the bad causes rather than to prevent them from happening. That's impossible. So as a part of this attempt at getting better, I tried to think of the things unrelated to the task; something that was good and nice.
It did not work. Nothing came to mind instantly.
I was reminded of how I was snapping at people around me, for no fault of theirs because I was feeling bad. I tried remaining silent. I bluntly said to a colleague, "I'm in a bad state of mind, so I'll come back and talk to you after a coffee." I expected him to be pissed off, but he seemed to understand. There was also an occasion where I vented off by calling up the customer care and biting their head off.
Gradually, the feelings changed, but not a lot else did. The task remained in limbo. The anger went but the pain remained. The sadness led to confusions and doubts. Did I really do it right? Am I capable of it? Should I get some help? All that happened was that I lost a day's happiness. It was not worth it. So now I'm consciously trying to change my thought process. I'm going to tell myself, it's fine; it's OK. Be happy. And that's it. Obviously, it'll take some practice. But just the fact that I'm will be putting my best efforts at remaining happy results in a small dose of happiness in and of itself.
That's all there is to it. You want to be happy? Be happy. Things keep happening around you whether you want them to or not. They'll continue to happen irrespective of how you feel about them. By setting conditions for your happiness, you are relinquishing your ability to actually be happy. If I get X, I'll be happy; if Y happens, I'll be happy. Inversely, it only means that you are incapable of being happy unless your conditions are met. That simply can't be true. Also, happy and joy are separate things. I am happy when there is no problem, but I'm joyous when something good happens. So why am I alienating happiness? Nope. I'm just going to be happy.
It sounds all preachy and spiritual, I know. But it is what it is. I stepped on shit? Oops. But that's OK. At least both my shoes aren't dirty; at least it isn't a puddle of paint that can't be removed. So I'm happy. I fell off my bike? That will hurt. But at least, I stood up; it wasn't fatal. So I'm happy.
There's a good chance that I've spent a good deal of time being anything other than happy. Of the remaining time, I intend to be happy for all the time. A lofty goal, but a goal worth having.
And I'm happy that I can set such a goal for myself! :D
P. S.: Undoubtedly, these are not my original thoughts. I take a lot of inspiration from the "happiest man in the world" and from various material from Tim's blogs.
It so happened that today was one such bad day. Something that I've been hoping and praying for did not happen. I'm currently not prepared to disclose the task that I have in mind. The reasons that resulted in the task not completing remain unknown, and there's nothing lacking in my efforts. I would try to mitigate risks but there are none that can be mitigated and the ones that can have been considered. It's a strange conundrum where there's no output despite an input having been applied.
What started as a sunny, bright, regular morning turned into one of despair and frustration. I personally believe feelings are called just that because they are felt and not explained or expressed. Otherwise, they would have been called expressions. My despair and frustration quickly created their own turnstile in my brain by adding anger and sadness into the mix. I was caught in that revolving door feeling angry one moment and sad the next.
Of course, I am in the process of trying to insulate myself from feeling bad on the bad days but it doesn't happen at times. Also, the intention is to control my reactions to the bad causes rather than to prevent them from happening. That's impossible. So as a part of this attempt at getting better, I tried to think of the things unrelated to the task; something that was good and nice.
It did not work. Nothing came to mind instantly.
I was reminded of how I was snapping at people around me, for no fault of theirs because I was feeling bad. I tried remaining silent. I bluntly said to a colleague, "I'm in a bad state of mind, so I'll come back and talk to you after a coffee." I expected him to be pissed off, but he seemed to understand. There was also an occasion where I vented off by calling up the customer care and biting their head off.
Gradually, the feelings changed, but not a lot else did. The task remained in limbo. The anger went but the pain remained. The sadness led to confusions and doubts. Did I really do it right? Am I capable of it? Should I get some help? All that happened was that I lost a day's happiness. It was not worth it. So now I'm consciously trying to change my thought process. I'm going to tell myself, it's fine; it's OK. Be happy. And that's it. Obviously, it'll take some practice. But just the fact that I'm will be putting my best efforts at remaining happy results in a small dose of happiness in and of itself.
That's all there is to it. You want to be happy? Be happy. Things keep happening around you whether you want them to or not. They'll continue to happen irrespective of how you feel about them. By setting conditions for your happiness, you are relinquishing your ability to actually be happy. If I get X, I'll be happy; if Y happens, I'll be happy. Inversely, it only means that you are incapable of being happy unless your conditions are met. That simply can't be true. Also, happy and joy are separate things. I am happy when there is no problem, but I'm joyous when something good happens. So why am I alienating happiness? Nope. I'm just going to be happy.
It sounds all preachy and spiritual, I know. But it is what it is. I stepped on shit? Oops. But that's OK. At least both my shoes aren't dirty; at least it isn't a puddle of paint that can't be removed. So I'm happy. I fell off my bike? That will hurt. But at least, I stood up; it wasn't fatal. So I'm happy.
There's a good chance that I've spent a good deal of time being anything other than happy. Of the remaining time, I intend to be happy for all the time. A lofty goal, but a goal worth having.
And I'm happy that I can set such a goal for myself! :D
P. S.: Undoubtedly, these are not my original thoughts. I take a lot of inspiration from the "happiest man in the world" and from various material from Tim's blogs.
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